The family court judge resolves disputes between separated parents and regards the child's welfare as their paramount consideration when deciding child arrangements. Or so society is led to believe.

Narcissistic abusers take an exploitative approach to relationships; they demand a constant source of adoration and attention from their partner. They target empathetic, nurturing individuals who will satisfy their needs.

To all the mums out there trapped in family court proceedings and contact arrangements with a coercively controlling, narcissistic ex. I know you are suffering right now. I know how frustrating it is when no one believes you and no one can see what you see. It’s torturous when you are forced you to have a constant evil in your life.

The family court journey can be a treacherous one for victims of coercive control; they must proceed with caution and maintain a lookout for hidden dangers so they can assess the risk when raising or defending an action and exit the process unscathed.

Research published by the University of Edinburgh this year shows how the family courts contribute to the pandemic of violence against women. Inequality in the family courts has caused decades of harm and suffering; the structure of the family courts allowed it to become a target, and once it got captured the harm compounded.

What happens when a parent raises claims of ‘abuse’ in a civil family court action and it gets counterclaimed with ‘parental alienation’ or similar?

Here’s what the experts say.

Many domestic abuse victims who flee dangerous relationships will end up in the civil family courts. Whilst criminal law in the UK has advanced in recent years, and made coercive control a crime, family law remains in the dark ages. Perpetrators use the family courts to continue their cycle of abuse, and the outdated system enables it.

When a woman enters into an abusive relationship, she enters unknowingly, with hopes and dreams. The abuser enamours her with his charm and charisma. He masks his inner demons and tempts her with the illusion of her deepest desires; contentment, compatibility and fulfilment.

In Intractable contact disputes (high conflict), the judge has a difficult decision to make, and one in which they shall seek expert advice to assist them. The Family Court and professionals involved can benefit from a deeper understanding of the changing behaviours in our society and how to recognise them in difficult cases; what appears to be an intractable contact dispute may in fact be a domestic abuse (risk) case; a good understanding of coercive control is required to make a contact decision which keeps the child safe from harm.