I recently joined forces with The Court Said, the campaign for survivor family justice. I joined because Scotland's system faces similar problems to the justice systems in England & Wales, Ireland, the USA, Canada, Australia, New Zealand, and other particular countries. The courts in these countries harm vulnerable victims of abuse. I have been helping victims who are struggling in the family courts for some time now. When they contact me, their messages have a striking similarity. They say;

“I can't believe what is happening. I am getting treated unfairly and harshly. My child is in danger and I can't protect them. What on earth is going on?”

 Their suffering is palpable. To be blamed for the crimes of their abuser, to be forced to send their terrified child into contact with that abuser, and to be betrayed by the system they expected to protect them is cruel; it can only be described as psychological torture. Abuse victims in Scotland have lost confidence in the justice system. They feel systemic bias and misogyny exist in the system, which sadly prevents progression. Those who are suffering can no longer stand the pain. Those who have suffered cannot remain silent and watch others following in their wake, blindly into a system which is full of traps waiting to destroy their lives.

The family court problem

• We have an adversarial system, one designed for lawyers, not party litigants. This means victims of abuse are pitted against their perpetrator in the courtroom and struggle to prove their case – victims are often emotional; they are worried, stressed, and anxious. They can be suffering from post-separation abuse throughout the entire process. The system is inflicting further trauma. The process can take anything up to around fifteen years, sometimes longer. The courts fail to grasp how brutal the experience is to entire survivor families. Victims lives go on hold; they cannot rest, heal or prosper until they exit the court process. They need a kinder and gentler approach; a trauma-informed approach which recognises and responds to their trauma, not a system that allows their trauma to be exploited.

• The presumption of contact in law has led to a culture where 'contact' appears to dominate above all else. The judge's paramount consideration should be the welfare of the child, but 'opinion' overrides 'facts' in the family court system. Mandates on domestic abuse do not always get followed. Children's voices are heard in Scotland and will be heard even louder when the Children (Scotland) Bill passes in parliament. Still, changes are futile if children's views can be influenced and manipulated by welfare reporters. Victims who feel they are suffering wrongdoing in the system are too scared to complain for fear of repercussions. If the legislation gets sidestepped and mandates do not get followed, then transparency and accountability are desperately needed.

• Some judges, lawyers and welfare reporters must reassess the stereotypes and understand the dynamics of an abusive relationship. The abuser is not always a musclebound brute. The victim does not always have bruises. Domestic violence, psychological abuse and sexual abuse can be carried out by charming, confident, perpetrators with good jobs, sharp suits and who 'appear' to be model parents. Parents who present as hostile or appear to be alienating can behave in this manner when desperately worried about their child's safety; they have natural protective instincts. They often assume that the courts operate in line with society's views when it comes to abuse, and are bewildered and frustrated when they realise it doesn’t.

• False allegations of parental alienation, as counterclaims to evidence of abuse, are putting children in danger. These allegations must not be entertained, whatever phrase is used to bring them into the courtroom. The evidence of abuse must get investigated first and foremost if the paramount consideration is the child's welfare. If a child is resisting contact, then it should be assessed in a child-focused manner, with an experienced, well-qualified expert who can get to the root of a child's fear.

I will strive to continue the excellent work of the Scottish #thecourtsaid campaigners, and hope that together, and with others groups, we can make a positive impact; not just for the victims of abuse currently in the system, but for those who enter the justice system in the future. I hope those in Scotland who have had their lives turned upside down by endless court action with an abusive ex will join me in raising our silenced voices. Now is the time to curb abuse and to protect children once and for all. Now is the time for a kinder, fairer and safer justice system.

If you are suffering, or have suffered, in the family court system with an abusive ex, then we welcome you with open arms to our campaign. Please sign the petition here for recourse for the victims of the Family Court Crisis.

If you are a victim of the Scottish system you can email me on: thecourtsaidscot@gmail.com

Facebook: The Court Said (Scotland)

Twitter: @thecourtsaidSCO

Please use #thecourtsaid to find the campaign in other countries too.