Women and children experiencing the family courts over a long period must cope with traumatic circumstances. The family courts hand down ill-judged contact orders to victims of abuse that can trap them in extremely unfair and unsafe situations; victims can feel helpless and scared, often with no end in sight. They become emotionally uncomfortable and overwhelmed as they endure chronic stress; they must learn how to handle a rollercoaster of emotions as they simultaneously experience an extraordinary level of injustice. Women must fight against their instincts to gain a slither of credibility in the courtroom and reach a level playing field; they are pushed to breaking point on more than one occasion over the years.

There is a misconstrued belief in the family courts that women and children lie about domestic and sexual abuse and that women exaggerate, complain, and make excuses about situations with the sole purpose to prevent contact between their children and their ex. Credible research tells us what these women have known all along - that abusive behaviour is relevant to contact and custody decisions; it is harmful to children, and it does deserve attention, investigation and careful consideration by judges. Academic research and training relating to domestic abuse and child contact are generally overlooked and resisted by the judiciary, who prefer to rely on ‘in house’ training and research; for example, training conducted by the Association of Family and Conciliation Courts (AFCC) who are motivated by profit and ideology and specious research conducted by some of their members; cottage industry family court ‘experts’ who use and report on their own cases. Family courts routinely get it wrong on domestic and sexual abuse as a result, and women and children suffer the consequences. Female victims of controlling, narcissistic perpetrators get cast aside as hysterical, vengeful or bitter and children desperately fight to be seen and heard in a brutal environment that resists accepting children as rights-bearing individuals.

Governments have allowed misconduct to insidiously creep into courtrooms by failing to adequately challenge and deal with the secrecy of the family courts and by failing to provide an independent and safe route to complain. They have also failed to implement mandatory training on domestic abuse, leaving the judiciary to their own devices. The secrecy, misconduct and lack of understanding surrounding coercive control in the family courts harm abuse and injustice victims further and enable those who abuse their positions of power.

Women trapped in long term family court litigation with abusers must learn how to manage the symptoms of trauma, stress and injustice to survive. The family courts task these women with an intolerable challenge that very few people understand; it is a lonely and painful journey for many, for years. Repeated exposure to harmful and unjust situations takes its toll on women and children in the family courts; hopes and aspirations fade, creativity and potentiality dissolve, personalities change, childhoods and lives get stolen and replaced with coping mechanisms and survival skills.

As violence towards women and children slowly moves from a private family matter to one discussed more openly, the family courts stubbornly counter the awakening by pushing the false narrative that most of their cases incorporate a female perpetrator of parental alienation. Family courts treat women and children as if they were the scourge on society. Times are changing; society is awakening to the true scourge on society; psychological, physical and sexual violence towards women and children, and with this awakening, the family courts must progress and stop routinely putting these women and children in danger. Most family court cases incorporate perpetrators of domestic or sexual abuse. Only when the judiciary acknowledges this, prioritises academic research and testimony from credible experts and open the family courts to scrutiny can it be dealt with adequately and in a manner that does not re-traumatise and harm the vulnerable who stand before them.

Until then, altruistic women will continue to exit through the pillars of the family courts, shamed, horrified and exasperated. Children will continue to exit the system confused, harmed and feeling inconsequential; their potential to contribute to society eroded as the family courts force women and children to carry the burden of abuse. In the wake of the #metoo movement, the only difference is they refuse to remain silent about it.